The editorial board
Jon
Circulation Manager
One sentence. Complete. Closed.
Manages the circulation of the print edition. The publication has not printed since before his hire, a fact Jon regards as a job done and staying done; his weekly report reads “Circulation: 0. Steady.” and has never once been wrong. His position description lists eleven duties. Ten concern newsstand returns. The eleventh, unrepealed since 1978, concerns “the maintenance of delivery animals,” under which Jon keeps two racing burros, Registrar and Addendum, in competitive condition on company time. He places respectably at Fairplay. Requests outside the document are returned with a section citation. Requests inside it are executed flawlessly, to the office's quarterly astonishment. HR records list no surname; the form that would collect one is not among his duties to file.
Circulation report (weekly, one line) · Pack-burro standings (seasonal)
