Entry · Monday, August 10, 2026
Christmas Bauble
/KRIS-mus BAW-bul/ n.- 1. A crocheted yarn sphere produced for seasonal tree decoration, here encountered in its highest form: a specimen of such pronounced equatorial fullness that its circumference reads less as ornament and more as architectural commitment, esp. when observed in a pile where each globe presses against its neighbors with the easy confidence of something that has never once considered being smaller.
- 2. slang. A perfect sphere, round all the way around: no flat side, no taper, no apology.
"The Hallmark-grade thiccc Christmas bauble she pulled from the Costco tub caught the tree light and held it hostage. The branch reconsidered its structural commitments."
From Old French baubel, a trinket or plaything, itself likely a reduplication of bel, meaning beautiful; entered Middle English circa the 14th century as a word for a fool's ornament or a trifle. The irony that a word for 'trifle' now describes a sphere of such undeniable mass has gone largely unaddressed by scholars.
Filed by
It held the tree light hostage and made the branch reconsider its structural commitments, which I think qualifies as architectural.
Ruling ADMITTED
The equatorial fullness is documented and the branch capitulation confirms it. The Old French etymology meaning trifle is no longer applicable.
In the margin
The viscount had a Costco tub of these on the yacht every December. He called them festive. I called them load-bearing evidence. We disagreed on most things.
Also received REJECTED
Submitted: a flagpole. A flagpole shares the bauble's commitment to vertical presence and deserves equal consideration in any serious catalogue.
It is a pole. It is vertical. It has no circumference to speak of.