Entry · Wednesday, June 17, 2026
Coiled Bratwurst
/KOILD BRAT-wurst/ n.- 1. A bratwurst of sufficient length and girth to be coiled upon itself in a continuous spiral, forming a disc of seasoned pork that occupies a cutting board the way a tire occupies a rim: completely, and with conviction. Typically encountered in pairs, because one is never enough board.
- 2. colloq. Pork that has made a decision about its shape and committed. The circumference is not a surprise; it is a statement of record. Viewed from above on a wooden board, the coil reads as architectural.
"The butcher at the Kreuzberg market laid out a thiccc coiled bratwurst on the board and stepped back, the way you step back from a mural. The spiral alone took up the real estate of a dinner plate."
From German Bratwurst, from brät- (finely chopped meat, from Old High German brät, meaning 'meat without waste') + Wurst (sausage, from Proto-Germanic *wurstiz, meaning 'something mixed or confused'). The coiling practice, common to Thuringian and Franconian traditions, emerged as a practical solution to sausage links too long for the pan. The pan simply had to accept this.
Filed by
They coiled themselves into discs and occupied a cutting board the way tires occupy rims: completely.
Ruling PROVISIONAL
The spiral occupying a dinner plate's worth of surface is on record. Pending confirmation the coil holds its form unassisted. Grudgingly noted.
In the margin
The definition says the pan simply had to accept this, which is the most dignified thing a sausage has ever done to a kitchen implement in recorded history.
Also received REJECTED
Submitted: a paper clip. A paper clip also coils around things, and a coiled form just earned entry, so I feel the logic tracks.
A paper clip is flat, thin, and holds paper. It is a paper clip.