Entry · Friday, October 2, 2026
Manatee
/MAN-uh-tee/ n.- 1. A large, slow-moving aquatic mammal (Trichechus spp.) of tropical coastal waters, characterized by a barrel-shaped torso that tapers with minimal urgency toward a broad, paddle-like tail; the silhouette, viewed from any angle, is essentially an uninterrupted curve.
- 2. colloq. The rear of this animal, observed in profile or astern, has settled the argument about what 'wide load' means in a marine context. She is built from the middle outward, and the middle is doing significant work.
"The marine biologist's GoPro footage caught a thiccc manatee drifting past the sea-grass bed, tail-on, in full raking light. The camera needed a moment to decide what it was looking at."
From Spanish manatí, recorded in the Caribbean by early European colonizers in the 16th century, likely borrowed from a Carib language. The Carib root is variously interpreted as 'breast' or 'udder,' which, given the silhouette, the taxonomists simply accepted and moved on.
Filed by
The silhouette is an uninterrupted curve from nose to tail, with no apologies anywhere along the route.
Ruling PROVISIONAL
Not 'uninterrupted.' A paddle-like tail is a distinct terminal feature. Confirm the tail-to-torso transition reads as continuous mass, not appendage. Pending that, admitted.
In the margin
The camera needed a moment to decide what it was looking at. I want that on record as the most accurate thing we have ever published.
Also received REJECTED
Submitted: a bamboo skewer. Jon's note: after the manatee, I thought we needed something lean for balance. Bamboo skewer. Long, elegant, tapers to a point.
It is a skewer. It is a pointed stick. No.